A client of mine recently shared a wake-up call moment. They recalled being in a one-on-one conversation with an employee, nodding along as the employee spoke, while unconsciously glancing at their phone, checking the time, and mentally running through their to-do list.
Suddenly, the employee stopped mid-sentence and asked: "Are you even listening?"
UGH!
The leader wasn’t listening—not fully, anyway. They had been hearing words, but they weren’t truly present.
And in that moment, they realized: It didn’t matter how busy they were. What mattered was that the other person felt unseen and unimportant because of their distraction.
We live in a world of constant distractions.
Notifications pull our attention away.
Multitasking makes us feel “efficient.”
Meetings stack up, and we’re always racing to the next thing.
But when we’re half-listening, whether to a coworker, employee, or loved one, it sends an unspoken message:
"Something else is more important than you right now."
And over time, distracted listening leads to:
Disengagement: People stop opening up when they don’t feel heard.
Frustration: Others sense when we’re not fully present.
Damaged relationships: Trust erodes when people feel ignored or dismissed.
The irony? Most of us don’t mean to be dismissive. We’re just juggling so much that our attention is split without even realizing it.
But here’s the truth: Listening isn’t just hearing words. It’s making someone feel valued.
As a Self-Aware Leader, being a good listener isn't about having more time—it’s about making small shifts in how you engage.
Put the tech away: If someone is talking to you, flip your phone over, close your laptop, and remove the temptation to check notifications. These small actions signal: I’m here. I’m present. I’m listening.
Make eye contact: Looking at your screen, the clock, or over someone’s shoulder? They notice. Turn toward them. Make eye contact. Give them your full attention.
Stop multitasking: We think we can listen while typing an email, but we can’t. Our brains don’t truly multitask—we just switch back and forth (poorly). Pause what you’re doing and focus.
Show you’re engaged: Nod, react, and paraphrase what they said. Try:
✔ “That makes sense. So, what you’re saying is…”
✔ “Tell me more about that.”
If you can’t be present, be honest: Sometimes, we’re too busy to give someone our full attention, and that’s okay. But instead of half-listening, try one of these phrases:
“I really want to hear this, and I’m under a deadline. Can we talk in 30 minutes when I can give you my full attention?”
“I want to be fully present for this conversation. Can we schedule a time later when I can focus?”
People don’t expect you to be available 24/7—they just want to feel valued when you are.
Reflection:
When was the last time you were in a conversation but weren’t really there?
How often do you multitask while someone is speaking to you?
What’s one small shift you can make today to be a more present, engaged listener?
Because people don’t just want to be heard. They want to be seen and understood.
What’s one thing you’ve noticed about how people listen—or don’t? Let me know here!
YOU MATTER!